Monday, October 3, 2011

falling into sin

I disobey, so often, too often, and everytime I think "never again"
But then "never again" comes again and I fall fast and hard into a too-common sin
A pattern of repeats, harms, blatant disobedience and thinking I don't care
And then, as always, a pile of shame, building a fort high around me, packing it in
Making the walls impenetrable
And that voice telling me the top is too high for rescue
Deeper in, down, face flat to the floor and eyes shut, glued, tight because I keep on breaking
I know better, I always know better, telling myself over and over, why can't I disrupt the chain
Why can't I be that good person who doesn't do these things and always stops before the temptation
Gets to be too much
Why can't I? I can't do anything
That continued reliance on I, dependence, pride, me - I will always fall, because I am imperfect
Take away that I and place in another and maybe, just maybe, He can change me
And then it's not a maybe, it's reality, and the reality that there is a He that saved me
A He that loves me, every time I fall, every time I cry, every time I suffer because of my
Own disobedience
The He who gave it all, so I could have it all, even though I waste it all
All the time, no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no matter how I fail
No matter how many times, He sacrificed for me, He loved me, wait, He LOVES me,
And I live in him, Forever

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