not my world

It's been awhile, and I've been forgetting how to write
How to craft the words on my heart into sentences and express
God, oh God, why does this world hurt so much
And I'm one of the lucky ones
That's absolutely for sure

I have it easy
So, so easy

Yet
The void space inside me where something belongs
I try to pour into it
Too much
The stuff that doesn't fit
Everything wrong, wrong, wrong

This is not my world
Not my home
Just a temporary space for this temporary body
A beautiful, often indescribable place
But often horrible

Forgetting
Forgetting that none of that was made to satisfy

Remembering
I'm trying so hard to remember that
He fills
To the top, overflowing
To the place where I find that unspeakable joy

Imagine, just imagine
I'm speechless at this
On this world?

How desperately, astoundingly
There
In my true land of citizenship 
Too much, so much, so, so much
 

one week

It's been about a week, and I still don't know how to feel. I don't think about it for awhile, and then I do and I think, is this real?

And I wonder if I have the right to be upset. Who was I?

But there's a hole, a cavern slowly growing where I realize now she existed, filled, and I'm not sure what to put there, because I need to get rid of the emptiness to stop the pain.