tight

Heart is hurting a lot tonight
Tight
Squeezing
Waves, painful
Anxiety overwhelming
Fear, flooding

Alone

Needing a touch
A gesture
Discover the plan

How will you find me?

Love

Love me and want me and see me

Light up
In the room, empty before
Full, complete, safe

Me, and you

missed connections

feeling like I'm missing those connections
the ones that tie a knot around the heart
pull you closer in, deeper and get to the real
the honesty, the togetherness of that
relationship
and I'm missing these connections
edges folding in, one over another
no gaps to let anyone, anything, none of it
slide in and catch me
catch me to the loose threads
stuck, tangled, in all that mess
but the needed mess to close up
that lonely bitter cold and bring in
the warmth

you see me

When Hagar ran away from Sarai, after becoming pregnant with Abram's child, the angel of the Lord appeared to her in the desert, and she said to God, who spoke to her (Genesis 16:13), "You are the God who sees me."

I see this written in the Bible and feel she meant this much more than literally. God was seeing her fear (of her mistress, what will happen to her unborn child), her uncertainty for the future, her frustrations, and he communicated to Hagar that, yes, today she will struggle and face hardship, but your son will be the first of many descendants, and there is hope for the future. God saw her and spoke to her need, because he knew her, as he knows us, and everyone on this world, that was and is, and is to come.

You are the God who sees me
Sees me crying in the darkest night
And tears of desperate emotions falling
fast, fast, and faster
You are the God who sees me
Awkward and alone, tongue twisted and tied
And unsure, afraid, words fading
drifting and drifting away
You are the God who sees me
When joy blankets me
And I smile, radiantly
happier and happier
You are the God who sees me
The God who knows me
In every emotion
In every situation
In every minute
Of every hour
Of every day
Forever
You are the God who created me
The God who loves me, unfailing
The God who made me
Exactly as I was meant to be

fearless

Could I be fearless
just for a day?
Set all my worries aside
away.
Keep my heart set on
faith, not fear,
leave it all behind
and listen and hear
God's voice calling
me
Telling me I'm special
don't you see?
Nothing can take away
the love
I have for you, isn't that
enough?
Just for a day
take my fear away.

I wrote this today. I'm reading Fearless by Max Lucado--this is an area I struggle with, constantly, giving up my fears and worries and anxieties to God and trusting him completely to take care of me and get me through the dark times.